


Sweet Dreams Are Made of These

by Meatball42



Series: Sweet Dreams [1]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Closeted Character, Episode: s01e19 Dead Man Talking, F/M, Other, Trans Female Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-14
Updated: 2013-05-14
Packaged: 2017-12-11 20:51:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meatball42/pseuds/Meatball42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony couldn't stop thinking that he'd kissed the man who killed his friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet Dreams Are Made of These

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt 'Tony was clearly upset about having kissed a MtF transexual, but it wasn't because Amanda Reed used to be a guy; it was because she murdered a good friend of his. Of course, playing up that he hated kissing a guy is good cover in a pseudo-military organization, too.'
> 
> Spoilers for S1E19 Dead Man Talking.  
> Mild transphobia; as much as was on the show.

"Forget it, I can’t take it.”  


Kate’s self-satisfied smirk as he quickly left the office—the end-of-case paperwork untouched on his desk—only made it harder to keep his hands from shaking.

‘ _What was it like? Tonguing a guy?’_

He’d seen the teasing, the challenge in her eyes and he’d known it was just that: a tease, a joke. It wasn’t supposed to leave him vibrating from tension in the elevator, wiping his mouth on his hand for what must have been the dozenth time that night. He'd been waiting for her to start up, her anticipatory eyes making his hair stand on end on the drive back to the base. She'd been waiting for the moment she could finally get one completely over on him, sure that this mistake would be enough to utterly crush him. Because of course, nothing could be worse for straight-as-they-come, guy’s guy Tony DiNozzo than publicly kissing a tranny, right?

The elevator doors dinged open at the floor to Autopsy, just in time for Gibbs to catch Tony wiping his mouth on his sleeve again. The boss regarded Tony for a moment, then stepped into the elevator.

“You alright, DiNozzo?”

He ignored the logistical question of how Gibbs had made it to Autopsy without him noticing (it was just something you accepted after a while) and shrugged. “Fine, boss. Just going to see Ducky about the autopsy.”

Gibbs nodded, eyes never leaving Tony’s. He let the door slide shut between them without further comment, but, as always, Tony was left with an unsettling lack of certainty about what Gibbs knew.

_ 'I don't want his family getting an unpleasant surprise.' _

Tony took a deep breath and tried to look upbeat as he entered Autopsy, but he gave up when he saw the medical examiner. Ducky’s stillness and meditative expression advised that he was in a state of quiet contemplation, to which the most suitable approach was one of equal quiet. He looked at Tony as the younger man stepped forward, face lined with tiredness, and they stood before the body of Hamilton Voss/Amanda Reed in a moment of silence.

“Have you also come for my conclusions on the untimely and entirely unnecessary death of our Lieutenant Commander?”

Tony glanced at the doctor, surprised by the ire in his voice. Ducky caught the look and sighed.

“I apologize, my dear boy. I admit, I have an absolute loathing for times such as this, when it seems as though the only thing to be thankful for is that no more people find themselves on my table. This young woman should not be here.”

Tony hid his flinch and turned to the medical examiner. “Young woman?”

Ducky huffed. “I’ve already had Caitlin tell me that Commander Voss was entirely a man and should be treated as such. I don’t think she said so out of any sort of prejudice, but I believe in respect for the dead. That includes honoring the choices they made during their life, whether I agree with them or not.” He looked shrewdly at Tony. “Do you believe that this body belonged to a man?”

The corpse was naked, washed of blood by Ducky, its long hair brushed and curling against the stainless steel of the autopsy table. The skin was tanned, the eyebrows plucked, the lips wide and made for smiling. Tony’s eyes lingered there, and he didn’t notice that he’d unconsciously wiped his mouth again until Ducky spoke.

“Caitlin also mentioned that you had an encounter with the Lieutenant Commander.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Tony commented. He stared at those lips, now clean of the lipstick that had made their lips glide together so easily just a few hours before.

“And your thoughts on the matter?”

“What makes you think I have any?” he fired back, tearing his eyes away from the lifeless mouth to glare at Ducky.

The medical examiner didn’t back down. “Caitlin had her opinions,” he said mildly. “I’m just wondering if you’ve come to any conclusions of your own.”

Tony’s anger deflated as quickly as it had risen and the tension in his gut returned, as heavy and cloying as it was the instant Gibbs had delivered the news.

_ 'She's a he, bonehead. And if  _ he _is packing a 357 and a knife in his purse, he killed Chris.'_

“It’s not like I didn’t know,” he started, voice quiet as though someone might hear him. He hesitated, but the morgue was silent as the dead around them and Ducky was a keeper of many secrets. “I’ve definitely made out with enough men and women to be able to tell the difference. But I figured… that was just how she was.” He looked away from Ducky’s penetrating gaze and let his eyes rest again on the still body before them. “But she killed Pacci.”

“Ah,” Ducky murmured. “So it is the murderer you are conflicted about, not the person.”

“I’m not conflicted about the murderer,” he corrected, perhaps too sharply. “She killed Pacci,” he repeated. “She deserved to die.”

“Then why are you distressed, Anthony?” Ducky asked gently.

_ ‘Getting your plumbing turned outside in is so…’ ‘Hinky?’ ‘No no, way beyond hinky.’ _

Tony shook his head, glancing around the dark morgue, anywhere but at the woman in front of them. “I knew she was a suspect, but… I liked her. I really did. And I don’t know how to feel about that.”

“Because she was a he?”

_ Amanda's teasing eyes when she let a perfect stranger in for espresso. Her utter confidence when he ogled her in her dress. The way her waist wasn't shaped the way women usually were, but was strong and sturdy just the way he liked. Her face, when she saw that he knew what she was and that he wanted her, and she smiled. _

“Because she was a she.”

Tony stared at the body for another moment, finally feeling an instant of peace in the house of the dead. He looked at Ducky. The doctor’s eyebrows were raised slightly, but he nodded in understanding.

That was enough for Tony. He left the morgue, and the only sound was the doors closing behind him.


End file.
